Louis C.K. Quotes

It was a horrible process to get to this. It took me my whole life. If you’re new at this — and by '...

Fuck it... That's really the attitude that keeps a family together, it's not "we love each other", i...

I always tell my kids to cut a sandwich in half right when you get it, and the first thought you sho...

Self-love is a good thing but self-awareness is more important. You need to once in a while go ‘Uh, ...

I have a lot of beliefs, and I live by none of them.

I’m bored’ is a useless thing to say. I mean, you live in a great, big, vast world that you’ve seen ...

Pamela, I’m in love with you. Yeah, it’s that bad. You’re so beautiful to me. Shut up! Lemme tell yo...

Misery is wasted on the miserable.

I've learned from experience that if you work harder at it, and apply more energy and time to it, an...

Everything's amazing right now, and nobody's happy.

You’ll be fine. You’re 25. Feeling [unsure] and lost is part of your path. Don’t avoid it. See what ...

Life isn't something you possess, it's something you take part in.

It was a horrible process to get to this. It took me my whole life. If you’re new at this — and by '...

I've met a lot of people who've lost their jobs and they still have a sense of humor.

I wish I could know everything ever, like that would be my wish - that's what I hope heaven is, that...

You gotta be optimistic to be single. Stupid! You have to be stupid. That's what optimistic means, y...

Cars and cameras are the two things I let myself be materialistic about. I don't care about other st...

If you're a woman and a guy's ever said anything romantic to you, he just left off the second part t...

When I take my kids out for dinner or lunch, people smile at us.

When I was first divorced, I started dating younger women, and it was really exciting. But after a w...

Well, when I was younger, I lied all the time, because once you understand the power of lying, it's ...

I have a crazy amount of different jobs, so the way I manage that is to not do more than one at a ti...

Talking is always positive. That's why I talk too much.

When you're a father in a marriage, you sort of become the mother's assistant. And you sort of get a...

America's a family. We all yell at each other. It all works out.

It was a horrible process to get to this. It took me my whole life. If you’re new at this — and by '...

Breaking records is not something you expect to be doing. That's like a sports thing, it's not usual...

I've met a lot of people who've lost their jobs and they still have a sense of humor.

I wish I could know everything ever, like that would be my wish - that's what I hope heaven is, that...

You gotta be optimistic to be single. Stupid! You have to be stupid. That's what optimistic means, y...

Cars and cameras are the two things I let myself be materialistic about. I don't care about other st...

If you're a woman and a guy's ever said anything romantic to you, he just left off the second part t...

When I take my kids out for dinner or lunch, people smile at us.

When I was first divorced, I started dating younger women, and it was really exciting. But after a w...

Well, when I was younger, I lied all the time, because once you understand the power of lying, it's ...

I have a crazy amount of different jobs, so the way I manage that is to not do more than one at a ti...

Talking is always positive. That's why I talk too much.

When you're a father in a marriage, you sort of become the mother's assistant. And you sort of get a...

America's a family. We all yell at each other. It all works out.

I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself.

When two kids are being completely berserk, and they're naked and throwing food around, sometimes I ...

It's more fun to experience things when you don't know what's going to happen.

It's a positive thing to talk about terrible things and make people laugh about them.

I think you have to try and fail, because failure gets you closer to what you're good at.

The problem is, the more famous you get, the more people see you who didn't choose to.

I'm bored' is a useless thing to say. You live in a great, big, vast world that you've seen none per...

It doesn't have any effect on your life. What do you care?! People try to talk about it like it's a ...

It was a horrible process to get to this. It took me my whole life. If you’re new at this — and by '...

When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don’t get to decide that you didn’t.

I find that when people laugh it's usually because they're connecting and identifying in a way that ...

The only time you look in your neighbor's bowl is to make sure that they have enough. You don't look...

Shut up…let me tell you, LET ME. Every time I look at your face or even remember it, it wrecks me. A...

Fuck it... That's really the attitude that keeps a family together, it's not "we love each other", i...

I always tell my kids to cut a sandwich in half right when you get it, and the first thought you sho...

Self-love is a good thing but self-awareness is more important. You need to once in a while go ‘Uh, ...

I have a lot of beliefs, and I live by none of them.

I’m bored’ is a useless thing to say. I mean, you live in a great, big, vast world that you’ve seen ...

Pamela, I’m in love with you. Yeah, it’s that bad. You’re so beautiful to me. Shut up! Lemme tell yo...

Misery is wasted on the miserable.

I've learned from experience that if you work harder at it, and apply more energy and time to it, an...

Everything's amazing right now, and nobody's happy.

You’ll be fine. You’re 25. Feeling [unsure] and lost is part of your path. Don’t avoid it. See what ...

Life isn't something you possess, it's something you take part in.

Breaking records is not something you expect to be doing. That's like a sports thing, it's not usual...

I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself.

When two kids are being completely berserk, and they're naked and throwing food around, sometimes I ...

It's more fun to experience things when you don't know what's going to happen.

It's a positive thing to talk about terrible things and make people laugh about them.

I think you have to try and fail, because failure gets you closer to what you're good at.

The problem is, the more famous you get, the more people see you who didn't choose to.

I'm bored' is a useless thing to say. You live in a great, big, vast world that you've seen none per...

It doesn't have any effect on your life. What do you care?! People try to talk about it like it's a ...

It was a horrible process to get to this. It took me my whole life. If you’re new at this — and by '...

When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don’t get to decide that you didn’t.

I find that when people laugh it's usually because they're connecting and identifying in a way that ...

The only time you look in your neighbor's bowl is to make sure that they have enough. You don't look...

Shut up…let me tell you, LET ME. Every time I look at your face or even remember it, it wrecks me. A...

It was a horrible process to get to this. It took me my whole life. If you’re new at this — and by '...